Lajaria and Meijaria

Portrait

Description
The amount of sorrow and grief I had to push you away is wordless. It's been a month you're gone and I still cry. The day I decided to come to you everyday, felt like the way you responded by not coming up to me anything as nearly as often, and that hurt me so much. I felt unloved when you didn't come up to me. It's choking my throat. Oh if only you knew, really knew, that you were one of the rare one that could have put your feet down and ask almost anything out of me, including not sleeping around. That night when you were crying telling me that you didn't like that that I wasn't the only one... I didn't even knew you were mine. I didn't even knew that's what you wanted. It's like I was baffled, just came to see you sad and I didn't knew until you said it. And after that, it was my fault for sure... I didn't realize who I had by my sides, I'm sorry. Why don't I see how precious you were when you were right there I don't know. What is this whirlwind, I come to you you run away, you come to me I run away.... Can this ever stop? I don't know why it's like that, but I don't like it. I remember you being a lil' magical elf when I gave you pure positive focus, I guess I felt insecure still that you were mine.... I needed more safety... I needed you even closer... That dreadful day when you left the server, I felt it... I felt you lil' girl's heart being done... and that's when I knew I screwed up.... It was you... I just want to be allowed to make mistakes...Why do you punished me so hard? Why did you stay resentful... that's the opposite of sweetness. Yes, yes I lied, I betrayed your trust... but it can all be rebuilt... I thought with my head too much... if I felt you more, I would have been better equipped to handle you. You were my world, and I was your world, I wish I could have made things better... and help you with your little houses... and be there more often... In my petty desire for vengeance, I made you feel what it was like to have someone you like withdraw from you, what it was like to feel being DENIED, how hard it was gonna be for you to find someone half as awesome as me. That was a mistake... I should have been there in the darkest moments... maybe I wasn't strong enough at the times... and I didn't felt secure... You say you stand up for healthy relationships and doesn't like abuse... but what you did was abusive... Denying me when I wanted you, lying to me by not telling me what was wrong... Oh FUCK!... You're irreplaceable... Unique and amazing you were... Boundaries are not only about what people do to you that you don't like... it's also about what they don't do... I'm also not good at boundaries.. I wasn't allowed to have them when I was young so I'm pretty baby at learning them now... and still confused by it. And now you're gone, and I feel that my life is worse off... Is it for the better? I don't know... but I wish you'd come back still. When you told me that you had no feelings I was hurt by that... If you don't have feelings for me after all these years does it mean I'm unlovable?... You were right, I should have gone all out... pressing on the gas pedal and the break at the same time that's one of my problem... I guess I'm a scared child to put my energy into things that may not work... or that I will eventually be disowned and abandoned like my parents did to me. You turned your back on me when I needed you the most. All you had to do was to come by and meep me and try to repair things. WHY DIDN'T YOU REPAIR THINGS... How could you sleep at night when there was bad blood inbetween us. Yes you're right, it's always better to be positive.... but you're missing the part where putting a muzzle on the negative is an even more negative thing than to just express the negative and try to figure out what to do from there. You're a rare one. I'm sorry for what was my part in all of this... but now I have no way to reach you... so I don't know what to do, but to move forward. I wish I treated you like I like to be treated.... but in all my imperfections and mistakes... I had good intentions... and I truly wanted to make you happy and share amazing moments together. I wish you'd be there right now... and we could meep eachother like a secret language in this toxic, dyfunctional world... where a little cute flower of healthy and beauty and fun blooms. I wish I could have gave out consistency and fun and health and good feelings.. and respect... Now I feel I lost someone unique and very valuable... or was I just addicted to a dream? I didn't want to teach you love....!!... because what the fuck... but now that you're gone and you might not even read this.... love is not necessarily feeling great all the time... but it's to be there... I will miss you for a long long time, naturally, if you ever come back I'll make sure you can read this message... or otherwise I don't know... Love you, elfy.. Sorry about everything that was my fault... and I remember the awesome memories we have very dearly very preciously... and I will use what happened to get striving to be better... Meep MEEP meeparoni lovini.
Player:	Sweet elf snow elf meeps
Gender (Visually):	Female
Race (Visually):	Human